I despise the waiting game. Totally and whole-heartedly. It seems that my whole life has been one big wait, and I am so sick and tired of waiting and waiting and waiting for something. Even if there is nothing going on, I feel like I’m waiting. Waiting for something to happen.

I’m waiting to hear from some jobs now. I hate not being able to know what is going on. I’m waiting to see if P is really going to continue his change. I’m waiting on moving to the city. I’m waiting for everyone. Hell, I’m waiting to see if they take away Britney Spears’ children after he latest debacle.

I’ve come to the understanding that I can’t live my life in this manner. I know I need to make my own changes, make things happen myself. But getting from where I am now to where I want to be seems the obstacle I’ve yet to hurdle over.

And so I wait. Like right now I’m waiting on hearing about this job that I really have my heart set on, but what if I don’t get it? What if I do? I’m at a loss.

And cue waiting.

Posted: January 4th, 2008 under the move.
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I dropped the bomb of moving and getting a job in Manhattan to my mother this past weekend to my mother, who was not very happy about it. At all. I’ve never met someone so unsupportive of change in my life.

And of course, when I told her the plan, she had to throw out the question “Why did you have kids then?”. Let me back up a bit. Ace and Ms.Pris and my children with my ex. Right now we share custody completely split, pretty much rotating who has the kids every five days. Except during his five days from 8-4 I have my daughter when my son is in school. So I pretty much have Ms.Pris everyday and Ace when he doesn’t have school. Moving to the city will alter this arrangement. Ace attends school up here, and Ms.Pris will start preschool in September. I’m not going to rip my son out of school in the middle of the year. So when I move to Queens, my son and daughter will be staying up her Monday through Friday. Friday after school I will be picking them up and they will be spending Friday nights to Sunday nights with me. I will get them on most holidays and for most of the summer. Izzy will be in daycare in the city. My mother thinks I am abandoning Ace and Ms.Pris, which of course I am not. If I thought it would be better I would take them with me. But, I think for now this would be the best course of action. If I took them Ace would be in school everyday, than in daycare until 5/6pm. Izzy and Ms.Pris would be in daycare from 8/9 until 5/6pm. That’s not fair to them, especially when they can spend the whole day with their father. Anyway, I don’t need to justify that to anyone, because as the kids get older they will choose who they want to live with for the most part, and what kid wouldn’t want to live in NYC? Where there is an endless possibility of things to do any day, any time?

So, to answer the question - why did I have kids? I had Mason because it was the right thing to do. I was 18 years old, didn’t know any better, but made a mistake and took care of my responsibility. I had Winter because I was in a stable relationship, Mason was going to be four and I wanted to complete my family. I didn’t know that a few months later everything would be shattered because of some very, very poor decisions made on the part of my ex. Isaiah was another sweet surprise, but a great one. I would never give up any of my kids nor do I regret any decisions I have made. I love my kids, and by moving to NYC, making good money I will only be providing all three of my kids AND myself a better life.

In the end I’m sad that my mother is so set in her mindset that the woman needs to be home with the kids and career is a four letter word, but I’m not going to let the feelings and assumptions of others keep ME from achieving MY goals that will make a better life for MY kids.

Posted: December 26th, 2007 under my mother, the move.
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So, the move may be commencing earlier than planned! I can’t say I’m not ready or excited!

I’m planning to start commuting mid-Jan or the beginning of Feb down to the city to work full time and  start generating that cash and make sure I like what I’m doing. The commute will be long (probably will have to get up and get dressed by 5:30am get to the train by 6:20 and into the city by a little after 7am or close to than repeat the commute in reverse for the way home. It will be WELL worth it.

I tell you if I had the money and a job today I would be in the city right this minute.

Tommorrow night is P’s Christmas Party for work. We have to leave our house at about 5pm to drop the kids off at grandma’s than get to the dealership by 6pm. Than a little “pre-game” at the dealership (a cooler filled with Mojitos!) and Patron than it’s off to Rockland for the actual party where there will be an open bar, lots of food and music. Yay. I had to promise P not to get TOO sloshed in front of his boss. Hehehe. We will see how that goes!

Posted: December 19th, 2007 under P, the move.
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So after being on the job hunt for a full time work from home position I’ve made the decision today that in order to fulfill my career dreams I will have to move down to NYC in search of a full time in-house position. Yep, I’m moving to NYC. Queen or Brooklyn to be exact. I’m quite excited. I wish it was sooner, but the search for a place won’t officially start until April of 2008, and I should be moved by the end of May. My current lease runs out June 1st, so I will at least be fulfilling that out, unless I find a spectacular rental in the city and a job sooner. My landlord probably would be pretty flexible about breaking the lease.

Not only does the excitment of moving somewhere new, somewhere bigger, somewhere where there are just millions of opportunities entice me, but also leaving behind the small town, small mind drama. Finally breaking away. I’ve lived in or near the same small town (actually a village) for my entire life. I know every single person in this town young and old, and I know many, many people from the neighboring areas.

So it’s time for me, Ms.Pris, Ace and Izzy (oh yeh and P too!) to make the long haul down to NYC and start anew!

Posted: December 17th, 2007 under the move.
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